Little Boxes

It’s funnier when you appear and think it’s because of badass-ness. You have no idea how loud the laughter is inside. No. Idea.

Great party last night. Besides the whole Tyler wandering off, pre-party. So glad he was found haha! I had a blast with everyone, and it was so nice to forget about finals for a night. My favorite part was everyone looking at everyone else wide-eyed. Understanding at its finest.

Went to the pool with Tyler, Alex and Sarah, and got burned. Oh well, it’ll be tan eventaully. Or my skin will peel and I’ll have to start all over. Either way, I intend to spend a lot more time in the sun this summer.

Back to studying. So much finals. So much disgust.

Turning a paper in soon. I’m so happy to be done with that! But of course then it’ll be onto finals, finishing a painting a friend requested for Father’s Day, and start packing to move back home. Eh… Home. One thing I’m really not looking forward to. It’ll just be a relief to be financially indepedent, and for them to no longer be able to guilt me so much more than anyone else can. Thank God Zac’s parents are supportive, otherwise I don’t know what we would do! Hoping to figure out a date for the wedding soon, and to start to doing the fun stuff again, rather than school being the driving force in my life. I’m ready to try on a wedding dress (which I’m sure will turn into trying on a hundred dresses) and tasting wedding cake flavors and picking flowers and…. yeah there is way too much shit that goes into a wedding haha!

I’ll hear back from a potential job soon enough, which I am so excited about. I really need the money right now, especially to prove to my parents that Zac and I have it under control. Anyway, off to submit a paper and then waste the rest of my day. I can’t remember the last time I got to do that!

I’m trying so hard. But nothing I do seems enough. I lose sleep thinking of ways to fix, correct, undo, delete, and destroy the ideas you have of me, and the misconceptions that you have of my mannerisms, thoughts, and self. I’m getting back to the old me. When I thought I was there I get a door slammed in my face. There can never be a change to the canvas if you don’t have a medium to use. If you don’t give a second chance, you can not see the true potential a person, a place, a piece of artwork or anything else may actually have. You can not see through a blindfold and you can not see reality when you shut your eyes. Who can see the result of the day if they never woke up? I have never hated you, yet you hate me. With your hand you see fit to destroy something wonderful, with no remorse or care at all. No pain. But there are people who do feel pain. And I am one. I feel I am hated because I am me. I have not asked you to not be you. That’s what you want of me. I can not give you that. I will not give you that. What you ask is inhuman.

Well, I’m engaged! And I am stoked! I’m going to marry the best guy I could ever ask for, and I’ve never been happier! That’s all for now!